February 19, 2017

One more day starts! I never get to see sunrise though. First of all it’s so pleasing to see 6 members now follow me. Thank you for your interest people. Back again I slept at 5:00 am and did had wonderful dreams. As usual someone comes and disturbs it all. Arka this time. I don’t recollect well but I know I dreamt and only few images pass my mind. Tq Michael Sealey for your sleep hypnosis. I would like to recommend this guy’s videos on youtube to anyone who feels he is less than happy with his/her sleep.

I have 2 assignments to submit tomorrow and I have no idea what to do. I hold no energy in me to get them done and no interest at all. My life in IIT Kanpur sucks to say the least. There was time when I used to dream how marvelous it might be to study in an IIT. I used to feel IITians to be the most fortunate bunch in the country. Your place is as good as your mind is. Following benzo withdrawal here I know what memories I hold with this place.

I tell myself so often to be in the ‘Now’ cause now is where all the universe is. The mind thinking about the past or the future, it is all in the now. Now is all you got. EckhartTolle emphasized it so much, yet I always drift away from the moment. I pick up negative thoughts and anxious thoughts and then  start spiraling down into my depression. Anyways, I am writing too much and boring myself. I got to see pages of fellow bloggers like Sarain La la land, Harkus, Mindler, Fumbling in Canada! Thank you, your blogs have been inspiring.

Naveen saw John wick 2 so did my brother. I envy you both. John wick is so dear to me and Naveen. I saw yesterday Tarkovsky’s movie ‘The Mirror’. The guy is none like any other director. I could only think of Bella Tarr who is in the same league. Tarkovesky’s movies are so slow that they make you meditate. The sense of time is gone and each frame is soul capturing. Now I am starting to adore Art movies. They really stick long after the movie is done. One more thing yesterday, I had to study big data course. It sucks obviously. All the work just to please Prof Veena. Sad!!! I know my writing is far away from being lucid but then I am writing just to put all the pieces of my memories intact for myself and for those who care to know me. I could care lot less about being creative at writing. But I am trying anyway. I was happy to talk to Bharath and he told how this Sankalp(debutant) has made  a great movie – ‘Ghazi’. Father talked to me and as in most cases it was just yeah, ok, i will, bye. I am so sorry I am writing so long and so bory. I enjoyed watching ‘kuch kuch hota hai’  after so long. Kajol is a genius actor. I was happy to tweet to Sofie Mercer, a brilliant actress and fellow depressed person on how I adore her and thanked her and it was so sweet of her to give me reply saying ‘awh wow thank you x’. It means so so so much to be Sophie. I am your biggest fan! And you were awesome in Commaraderie!

RB guy Tejas Patel would be interacting. I need to be loose but certainly interested. Interviews give me goosebumps. It’s gonna be only 1 round. Let’s see how it goes. Meditation taught me yesterday that I need not change anything. Let things be as they are. I hope I keep this in mind. Finally thank you Ramu(my brother) for calling. I hope you have wonderful stay at Palacio de Goa. As for Harcus, in my life too, Goa played a role of paradise in shaping me.

Lastly it was heart touching talking to Richard(66 years old) on his 55 year old depression and how brain injury further led him down the dark path. I was able to cheer him up though he looked in so much pain. It felt good. Byeee!

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