March 5, 2017

I drank so much yesterday night. I was drunk and talking with Lala ji. I was just praising and praising him. He kept telling all his history and how he has been running the canteen since 40 years. People from all over the world know him. I typed bullshit in depression online chat. Bharath called and said about Teja and how we had to talk over some things. Naveen was drunk but he didn’t pick my phone. Tejas said call me in the morning.

I have so much so much work in SPLE and I just can’t get out of my bed to do something about it. I feel wasted. My group will hate me for this. I wish I could fly off to goa somehow and disappear from everyone for a while. My performance drugs are over. I need to get a refill.

Depression kills from inside. You don’t feel like doing anything. You have no energy except may be to masturbate. You can’t make a healthy thought. Head is heavy and cloudy. You wish to become invisible for a long time or just get some solitude in a lonely island. Drugs only ease the symptoms a bit. The cure is not yet found. It’s a hell on Earth.

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