I am a screwed up head and only little in this world makes sense to me. May be I never understood this world. I always liked to live in my own day dreams. All my childhood, I was the most happy when I was alone. I would wake up all night and play cricket. I made up an imaginative character called “Kaladian Jack” who would be the future me.
I would be the greatest Cricketer, the best actor, an Astronaut, a Great Businessman holding businesses such as Music Players company, Science research company etc; a Politician, a great Football player and the richest man in the world. My mind picked up whatever it got awed with and started creating a dream world. I don’t know if anyone else dreams so sincerely and deeply. My mind was so open when I was a child I never put any hindrance to dreaming. I would spent hours and hours living in this dream world. I would just enact some scene in this world. An outside person would see me shaking bat on my own(imagining a real cricket match) or doing stunts(Actor).
I imagined many futuristic ideas such as display in air, Transparent ground, new dimensions in music etc etc. It’s a brilliant and vivid world in the imagination with so much detailing to each and every aspect of the environment. Still I live in this dream world sometimes. Along with this habit, I have this one obsessive thought about death.
I am scared of death. I was one day crying when I was 5, imagining one day my mother would die and father too. Also, my brother would die. I would be left alone. I am scared of death. In this wonderful world why should one face the harsh reality of an end? I still cry when I get thoughts of an end. How could I live if someone in my family died? Why do we age? Life is so full of misery.