Dec 28 – a little bright day

I woke up late and yet felt so sleepy. I could hardly meditate and then I rushed to office. As usual, these days I reach 10-15 mins late to office. I wish to be on time though.

The dreadful work keeps going. I feel negative, feel lost, tired etc etc as the day progresses. So many things I get to do and it becomes so complicated. Like a robot and less a human, me and my colleagues keep moving, not knowing if Sun is shining or just passed off.

I came home late night. Now fully knowing this is just 1/7 of the work that lays ahead in the week. Some exercise, some music and some journal giving the positive vibe to pass through the day.

It is so difficult being human. At every stage so much hardship. No wonder buddha said suffering is the essence of life. True both in the deepest sense and the physical realm of being. All my cells are aging each day but I get to see nothing and it feels a static world sometimes.

My brother is so kind. He helped me with IT filing. That’s such a help when I was feeling all depressed and procrastinating it. I had a video call doctor appointment with a dermatologist. It felt strange but also so cool. Its so time saving and cheap.

I talked to Soumya and she was cool. She works in Dubai and would leave next week, but she felt we should meet once. Lets see if it works. Life will repeat, the same circumstances but may be the beauty is about the mindset we carry. The same place could be heaven for one and a hell to the other. Gotta meditate tonight!

21 Dec – A weird date!

I went out with a girl to lunch. I had to think so so much to fix on one meeting place. It turned out to be very crowdy and chaotic. We didnt see much fun except for the hamley’s toy shop.

So I took her to pub. I ordered black label johnny walker thinking it was black and white, a little low priced drink. But I got so high and it was some audition there. It wasn’t interesting at all. We were talking and I just got some super courage. I said to her ‘ she looked hot and that we should kiss.’ She blushed and went off.

I dropped her back to home. She would hug me so tight due to the winter cold. I didn’t feel much throughout. Part of why I drank was cause I was sinking into a melancholy and I had to keep some fun going. I went home and I felt weird.

My head aches still. I don’t want to go out much. I just am ready yet for romance and all. I have to get my health in check. Lets keep walking each day. Lets keep recovering